We’ve been watching a LOT of
Olympic coverage this past week. I love the Olympics. Can’t get enough. And, to
my dismay, I can’t get Kit to sit down for any of the ice skating – ANY OF IT.
I think I know why and I’m going to shoot the Olympic Committee and the Entire
World of Figure Skating a letter including charts and graphs about how to bring
skating into the modern world of sports.
Remember in the olden days when
women tennis players used to run around in ridiculously long pleated cotton skirts?
And now, how they wear super sporty clothes and sweat and grunt and basically
run “athletically” all over the tennis court and kick-ass every second? Ya,
awesome, I know.
And, remember, how in the olden
days, lady swimmers wore wool swim costumes that were like draggy long dresses
and how, now, miraculously, they wear super athletic sleek fast swimwear, and
kick-ass all over the pool.
Hey, figure skating, what in the
hell is the matter with you? Why are you still playing dress up? What’s with all
the sparkles, make-up, puffy hair styles and all that nonsense. Can’t skating
still pack all the punch with women looking great in athletic wear, not clothes
and make-up meant for Drag Queens. (Sorry Drag Queens – I know you look good !!!-Seriously!)
Can’t ice dancing still be ice dancing without the distraction of the caked on
make-up and the completely embarrassing men’s costumes. Most gay men that I know would never be
caught dead in those lame outfits, they have much better style than that. Oh,
right…… no gays in skating (per Putin!) Righhhhhhhht. I mean those completely
not gay male ice dancers – again – can’t they wear athletic gear, and skip the
huge collars, the flow-y sleeves, the long v-necks with super sparkles!
I get that every sport has their “schtick”;
the boarders are all about baggy and ear bud-dy and all laid back, the short track skaters are
all super sleek hoodie with zipper dudes, the jumpers have their flying suits
with the giant Mickey Mouse gloves – but all of the clothes still fall under the
category of “sporting gear”. They aren’t getting their outfits at David’s
Bridal, and they aren’t tarted up with layers of make-up. It’s 2014 – I think it’s time for change.
Ditch the sparkles people – I think the skaters would be taken WAY more
seriously as the athletes they are. Have you seen what they can do, the jumps,
the spins – the throwing – they are awesome, but it’s super hard to get past
the Mabelline to see action.
What really brought it home for
me was when that little Russian Yulia Lipnitskaya, of the Gumby Lipnitskaya’s,
skated her ass off out there, and beat the sparkly pants off everyone without a
stitch of make-up on. See, unnecessary. And she won by A LOT. Just wait though,
by the next Olympics four years from now, she’ll be fully indoctrinated and
show up looking like Ru Paul ( or how do you say in Russian – Ru-ski Paul?).
